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[17 Apr 2007|09:42am]
For a while now I have been really depressed. I don't really like to whine about things when it really comes down to it. I need to get some of this off my cest though. I figured livejournal was probably the best place, because...well... not very many people read this. I may post this elsewhere if I feel like other people should know, but at this point I don't.

My mother is kinda of the main source of my sorrow. She hasn't done anything cruel to me or anything like that. That's not what this is about. I'm not impossibly close with her either, but I do love her very much.

She's been having problems with her eye lately, and when she went down to the doctor to have it checked he said that she might have a tumor behind her eye. They did a CAT scan a little while ago, and I went down with her so that she wouldn't have to drive. I've had all kinds of weird medical procedures done to me, and I know that I wouldn't want to have to go down all by myself anyway much less drive home afterwards. She hasn't gotten her results back yet, but I'm worried about her.

If I seem kind of cold lately or I don't talk to you as much that's why. I'm just...kind of down.

Tell me your secrets...

A Mockery of a Much More Modest Proposal [02 Apr 2007|04:29pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

With every english class comes the ridiculous task of imitation. This time around we are to decimate the work of Johnathan Swift in the form of a modern " Modest Proposal." We are to take an issue from today ( meaning for most of my classmates "fags" ) and propose a solution for it. This paper of sorts is NOT REQUIRED to be a satire. I do not look forward to all the potential " burn the gays alive " and " shoot the mexican " proposals that will surely be accompanying my paper in the completed bin.


In my paper I am addressing the decrease in traditional housewives. My cure for this epidemic comes in the form of a string of pearls. Every woman likes jewelry, right? Well, this string of pearls is set to permanently attach itself around the woman's neck. It also has a device inside that delivers a shock to the woman when she wanders outside of her designated area. Like a dog collar. I have no issues with this part of the paper, but when it comes to the last bit...other solutions is where I encounter a problem.

I would much appreciate any help that could be offered. Thank you.


Also: Anyone who has not read this particular literary work and would like to will be able to find it here: http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~rbear/modest.html

Tell me your secrets...2 secrets.

Rams Head Live [06 Feb 2007|04:39pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

Last night I went to see Dir en Grey. They were fucking fabulous. I ache all over from moshing and thrashing around. Kyo bled on my we were just that fucking close. It was fucking great. Before the show they were selling the new cd that comes out on the 20th by the way. So you paid and you got a little slip with a barcode and when the CD comes out you go to an FYE and you give them the slippy and they scan it and give you a CD. So me and Jason bought them and I looked on the back of mine and their's this stamp of a ram and it says got music. So I wave the guy over and I ask him what it is. He goes, " Oh yeah if you have the Rams Head stamp on the back of yours you get to meet the band. " So practically pee my panties. We go in and are treated to the best fucking show ever and in the process I get completely soaked by Die who decides he's gonna pour water on us. Kyo bleeds on me and I have a blood stain on my new white shirt but I don't even care. Before they came on stage they kept fucking with us. They would flicker the lights down and up and down and up and I could just picture them up in the light booth fucking with the lights going " scream Americans! scream! " They play and awesome set then everyone's leaving and they call for the stamp people and we go back over to where they said and they take us up these stairs and we are chilling and trying to stand cause all of our legs are jello. Then they come out. Kyo looks bored and still isn't wearing a shirt. Shinya is wearing this fluffy fur collared jacket that this girl next to me keeps asking him if she can touch. He doesn't understand anything that she's saying. He's just smiling and nodding repeating the word jacket over and over again. Die is wear this shiney black pillowy jacket thing and he walks right over to me and shakes my hand and I in response cream my panties. They make their way around all over them just smiling and nodding at everything we say cause they have no idea what we are saying. They are like really tall except Kyo of course. They are like 3 inches around though. Kyo doesn't smile the whole time. He's just looking pissy and it's so hot and we are all so dizzy from music that we don't care. I only ended up being able to get Die, Toshiya, and Shinya to sign my little stampy thing and my ticket. It was still really cool though. BEST CONCERT EVER. If you get the chance to see them while they are on tour I definately suggest it. They rocked so hard.

Tell me your secrets...

Gay Cookies [15 Dec 2006|06:59pm]
I made naughty sugar cookies

Soviet Union, Penis, and the gaysCollapse )

Tell me your secrets...

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm [08 Dec 2006|12:17am]
I got a hair cut. I didn't chop it off or anything just a trim...and bangs sorta. My mother made a terribly corny joke that was something like " Ari, you got banged tonight. " I laughed. I don't know. I don't really care. I'm in a really good mood right now, but I should probably get to bed before I like... die or anything. It isn't late though. It's only 12. I think I will go to bed eventually. Oh! by the way I'm making up a list for Christmas cards. If I don't have your address and you want one then send me an email with your info or IM me. I don't really care how you get it to me so long as it gets to me. Well I think I will turn in now.


Tell me your secrets...

If it's all the same to you... [01 Dec 2006|10:43pm]
[ mood | all of the above ]


I think a lot.
about the kinds of things that happy people shouldn't think about.

I write a lot of meaningless shit down. I like compliments. I rarely get them.

I want to be really good at something and see people happy because of it, but more than that I want to be happy without making anyone else feel better.
I want to not be alone so much, because I'm not very good company.

For once in my life I'm lying and it feels great. It's like trying to hard to fit in and not making the cut. It's like.... Jake rhymes with sugar eggs and milk. It's a lot of meaningless crap that I enjoy but no one else likes.

so if it's all the same to you.

I think I'll keep my promises...and get back to you when I'm in college ( where everyone who was ever not noticed suddenly becomes something everybody wants to see or your friends from the 5th grade become models or all the people that you wish you knew don't fucking care. )



ps: at least I've got my fucking handwriting.

Tell me your secrets...

The Dresden Dolls and A Driver's Sider Crash [29 Oct 2006|01:46am]
I want to write all this shit down before I loose it. So today was one of the craziest days ever. At like....1 I got in a car accident. This car his the rear drivers side of my car and spun me completely around. I cried for like....hours. I tend to do that when I'm scared shitless. Then I called up K-lee to see if she could drag me with her to the Dresden Dolls concert because now I clearly couldn't drive on my own. So I got a ride from her. We jumped in the car and drove up. We saw some crazy shit. It's like I'm not even real right now. My legs are numb. We saw this....crazy guy with a fro that did some crazy shit with a bunch of cheap stuff and some pedals. Then we saw the red paintings and my friend!!!! she fucking painted some guy on stage. It was cool beans. Then Titler came out... which was this guy...dressed like Hitler in drag....tit-ler haha yeah...whatever, but it was pretty sweet. Then fro-guy, his name was like Snicky Mcsnickdenstien or something, came back on and he did some more sweet shit. The the Dresden Dolls came on. At this point I was so far gone. I was just dancing. I had scandalous intercourse without about 12 people. I was squished so much that I didn't even have to move my own body. I was just in this endless sea of sex and booze and music. I loved it. I've never been so turned on in my life. My friend Mary got to go on stage to do backup for the Jeep song which was awesome. I met some gorgeous people and I lost myself to one of the most amazing experiences ever. I found myself somewhere in that shit though. I found me without all the lies and bullshit. I found me... Just me getting drunk and getting poked in the ass by a stranger. His name was Ariel or something crazy and his missus was Anna ( like and O though...like onna.) It was so cool. I'll put up pictures when I can.
Tell me your secrets...

drinking sometimes makes sober people stupider [16 Oct 2006|09:53pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Clothes make the man. Women make the clothes. Thus, women make the man. Except in bilical terms. God made man. God made woman out of man to continue male production. By making babies, and clothes for already birthed men, and dinner, and breakfast, and lunch. Oh and tea.

I was drunk the other night, and I was making so much sense that I hated everyone else for not understanding.

I mean...for example the following things make sense.

- " Whether I am drunk now or not doesn't matter because I will be drunk later. It's not like we are going to look back on this and say gee she wasn't drunk at 11:00 but at 12 she was piss-assed. It's like being gay. If you are gay now or not it doesn't matter. It's if you are gay later in life that's going to mold people's opinions of you. "
- " I wish no one ever got emotionally attached to anyone else because then we wouldn't be hurt by relationships." This one makes sense but I don't really feel that way about it anymore...not saying that I didn't at the time.
- " If we didn't have any currancy life would be so much easier because no one would be homeless it'd be like...here have some wood to build your house...no need for compensation because you wouldn't need to pay for anything anyway. "
- " Love, It's like you are blind and feeling your way down this big pyramid and every so often you stop at a level and you are like 'damn this is as big as it's ever gonna get. I'll never love any more then this' and you can't see the next level, but then something happens and you have to move on and you get to the next level and it's like ' woah! this is so huge! what was I thinking. this is as big as it gets' and you just keep going on like that until you get to the bottom of your love pyramid. We're all just blind people trying to make it to the bottom of our love pryamids. "

Tell me your secrets...1 secret.

I ate [04 Aug 2006|07:15am]
a bagel

macaroni and cheese

a bag of funyuns

a muffin

another bagel

that's all I can remember
Tell me your secrets...1 secret.

day one of fatness reducing [03 Aug 2006|01:04am]
My diet didn't start off very well. I woke up and ate a chocolate muffin. I had two snack bags of Funyuns and hashbrowns at Waffle House. On the bright side I worked out for about an hour and a half so...
Tonight I'm going to premake my meals so that I don't eat fatty stuff. I'll eat them tomorrow.

I love you all.

If I don't post tomorrow I want you guys to yell at me for it.


edit: I totally forgot and I didn't mean to but I ate a candy bar. I'm so sorry.
Tell me your secrets...

fatness one letter away from fitness [01 Aug 2006|09:22pm]
So I've kinda goteen sick of that It's not your looks that draw people to you line. Your personality. Okay Okay I get it. I'm not pretty. I'm going on a diet. I'm going to try and look better. Before you say Don't do it for other people or anything like that I am going to tell you that I'm not. I'm doing this because I'm not happy with how I look. I don't want to be the fat chick anymore. And I'm not going to loose like a million pounds or take diet pills or anything. No worries I won't be throwing up meals. So I'm going to start writing down the things I eat and when I eat them in here so there. That's all.
Tell me your secrets...

so fucking sleepy [28 Jul 2006|06:16am]
My body aches for sympathy. My night has been completely wasted on nothing. I didn't sleep the whole night. Why you might ask. Because I don't have a bed right now. My broken bed was removed earlier in the day yesterday, and my new bed has not yet been put in. I can't seem to get comfortable anywhere else. I'm so tired. My body hates me. Looks like I will be sleeping all day today after I get my bed put in. I'd better get cleaning. Don't wait up.
Tell me your secrets...2 secrets.

it's all Connie's fault [14 Jul 2006|11:27am]
yay! animals.

The are rainbow see:

my pet!

my pet!

my pet!

my pet!

my pet!

my pet!

there were more pets then colors so...here are the rest of them.

my pet!

my pet!

my pet!

my pet!

my pet!

my pet!

my pet!

my pet!

...you'd think that they would have a bird.
Tell me your secrets...

Kingdom Hearts 2 [13 Jun 2006|04:14pm]
[ mood | GAY SEX!!! ]

Alright...I never got to play the original Kingdom Hearts, but I wanted to so when I got the chance to play Kingdom Hearts 2 I jumped on it. Said chance led to my morning. I spent god only knows how many hours playing this game, and I have no idea what is going on. I after all never got to play the first one. So far here is what I have gotten out of the game.

Sora, Kairi, and Riku are a bisexual threesome ( or had a one night stand or something because Kairi wasn't quite sure what Sora's name was at first.) But Sora is actually soulmates with a guy named Roxas? Roxas is in a relationship with a guy ( very hott guy might I add ) named Axel who is a pyro and is trying to keep Roxas from meeting Sora because well....fuck Axel loves him. Namine is trying to make Roxas remember that he is gay so that she can draw gay erotica of him and someone. She doesn't really care who. She might be in a lesbian relationship with Kairi but I can't tell. Donald and Goofy are in a gay threesome with Mickey, their Dom, who they call "the king" or "your majesty" or else Mickey with punish them. Sora is in on the play too.

That's all I've gathered so far and well....from what I've seen....I am excited.


Tell me your secrets...

GROW UP! [08 Jun 2006|04:01pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. I've kind of been a hurricane of pointless ideas lately. I've been feeling kind of down on myself which is sad. I need to do some meditating or something. I keep making things...that I am really proud of...and when I show people all I get is a "mhmm." I mean fuck! What the fuck does that mean? Mhmm... Does that mean it's good? Does it mean it sucks? Does it mean that you are too big of a douche-bag to give me a proper response? I don't know.

Sad Sad Sad

I just want someone to tell me I'm good at something.


Tell me your secrets...1 secret.

yes I glitter. [26 Apr 2006|09:43pm]
I got bored and so I put on some spiffy makeup and took pictures.

suffer the innocence.


Tell me your secrets...4 secrets.

what the shit is this?!?! [02 Apr 2006|11:40pm]
[ mood | amused ]

It's always the cool ones that don't have any interest in you whatsoever

I went out last night with Miss. We bought some Fanta and generally fucked around in the Grocery Store. We scared some old woman...they tend to frown on lesbos. We weren't doing anything dirty though. She just had her hand in my back pocket...which is completely acceptable.

I like it when people practically fuck each other when they know that they will be seperated for a short period of time. I think the best way to let someone know that you will miss them for the hour that they will be away from you is to leave them with a big wad of sperm in their hand.

I'm sorry I'm feeling a bit....obscene right now. I'm not always like this. I can be refined and charming. I'm just not right now.

She told me...She told me that I'm like a fish that doesn't know it's wet.

thank you...thank you, ever charming and frustratingly gorgeous disdainful beauties.


Tell me your secrets...

seme? go figure. [13 Mar 2006|07:19pm]

Are you a Seme or Uke?

hmmm....seme? Sounds...sort of right. It's got Kaoru on it...which is the shit. Kaoru is the coolest.

Huh? What's amine? (Otaku Level: 0)
Otaku Level 0

What Stage of Anime Fandom That I Went Through Are You At?
brought to you by Quizilla

huh? how the hell did I manage that one? oh well.

The submissive one
You scored 41
Based on these results, we can see that you're submissive. You dont sacrifice your own desires for your partner, but you certainly put your partner's needs before your own, and you are relatively obedient.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 12% on domsub
Link: The Are you Dominant or submissive Test written by nahemah on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test
Tell me your secrets...4 secrets.

I dream of cotton candy pink bunnies and rainbows for love [10 Mar 2006|06:33pm]
[ mood | content ]

I feel terrible that my journal is so sad. It's not me. I'm not some eternally sorrowful being. You would never know from my past entries. I seem....lugubrious. I assure you that is not the case. I can smile. I try to as often as possible.

I wanted to include a picture I drew. I don't love this as much as I did when I drew it, but it does still have a certain charm. I am sorry for the line. It's a large picture I had to scan it in portions. This was as close to the original as I could get it.

I woke thinking it was Tuesday. What a pleasant surprise it was to find out that it is Friday.

Here's to a delightful day.


Tell me your secrets...2 secrets.

goodness me and goodness you [15 Feb 2006|09:26pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

There were reports of severed human genitalia and sacrifices of little boys

I miss Lop more then I ever could have imagined that I would...of course I have no idea why he is gone or what it is that is bothering him, and I probably never will and it's killing me to try and find out. I just need to give up on it.

I'm having a hard time being happy lately. I've been getting more and more depressed with my situation each day. I'm just glad that I am too strong to give up.

I miss having friends though...it hurts not having anyone to talk to.

On a happier note I have been reading this really great Gravi fanfic. It's mighty delicious.

I'm also writing a fiction story for my Creative Writing class. It's called Kill Radio. It's a pretty interesting idea. If it takes the translation from my mind to paper well then I might possibly put bits and pieces of it in here. It should be really fun to do.

I've been trying to better myself at drawing lately, so when I sit down to draw I try to think of good artists and what makes their art so good. I've been thinking about Sabrina's a lot. She's amazing really. Her stuff is just so well put together, and she expresses emotions so well through the facial expressions and positions of her subjects. I really hope I get that good someday.

Well that's all for now.


Tell me your secrets...

Here's to being prettier then you. [07 Aug 2005|04:13pm]
[ mood | moody ]

I've been drawing a lot more lately, because of some support from a friend. She's really good at drawing, and I believe her when she tells me that I can be better. All I need to do is practice, and keep trying and things will fall into place. If I keep working at it I'll find what works for me, and I will keep getting better and better. Thanks to Sabrina. Well anyway things have been going good. I'm kind of tired. I woke up this morning to my parents yelling at each other. I hate it when they fight. My father has been drunk a lot lately so my mom is pissed about that. My father is a shitty drunk. Well at least I've got people that love me. I'm going to go I've got things to do that aren't sitting here and writing in this stupid thing.

Tell me your secrets...

Invalid Subject You May Not Leave The Subject Blank [04 Aug 2005|09:20am]
[ mood | awake ]

The past couple of days since my return from "no man's land" have been abnormally good. I myself can usually find something pointless to rant about, but not right now everything seems unexplainably okay. I can't seem to think of what to say, because if I said what I was thinking right now I'm sure I would bore myself with the abundance of sappy love song material that would spill out. My heart has a leak I think... This leak has been spilling a gooey warm loving feeling. The feeling is sort of uncomfortable, but I think it might be the reason why everything in my life is okay right now. Well I'm going to go. I know this is impossibly short, but I just can't seem to be moved today.

Thanks to Zoloft I can love myself too.

Tell me your secrets...2 secrets.

Nihlist, Narcissist, Voyeur...what am I doing with my life? [28 Jul 2005|06:59pm]
[ mood | blank ]

There's been a change of plans. We leave tomorrow. I couldn't be happier about that. I don't know why but just knowing that the trip is being held up makes me feel a little better. I feel like maybe God is finally smiling on me, and somehow it makes me feel uneasy. If something good is happening right now that means something terrible will happen soon. I'm just waiting for a tree to jump out infront of our car and kill everyone in the car instantly except for me of course. I'd probably end up dying from dehydration on some little country road next to the decaying bodies of my father and my six year old brother. It would be my luck. I feel like I should put something meaningful in here. I feel like that's what this should all lead up to some undeniably beautiful poem about death and how it's only just a portal to heaven and should not be cried over, but all I can think right now is why the fuck did it have to be my grandfather. I'm selfish. I know I am. I don't want to have to feel this pain and so I would selfishly wish that it was someone else that had to go through this. I'm the worst person to have to deal with this. I've barely got a grip on things again since I tried to kill myself last year. I've finally got everything back to normal. Everything is finally okay again and then WHAM! the whole thing is shattered again. I really need a maid...someone to pick up the broken parts of me and clean me up all nice and shiney. Someone to make sure my smile isn't crooked. Well this is all for now. So long and Goodnight.

"She wore that pearly smile on her face I guess like a bandage on a wounded place."-me without You (Aaron Weiss)

Tell me your secrets...

When did we all become robots? [27 Jul 2005|10:04pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

The more and more I go through the same routine the more disappointed I am with myself for letting myself fall into such an existance. Where is my wild side? Where is my randomness? Where did my love for life go? I'm so disgusted with the fact that I have become a robot. Then again what does it matter what I am. As a robot I'm more grateful for things out of the ordinary. If that's why I am this way...so that I would be more grateful for thing then I would rather be ungrateful. It's not like that would be much of a change.Well I'm going to go. Je suis un pamplemousse mais Je t'aime.

Tell me your secrets...

and I sat and cried for days on end and no one ever saw it. [27 Jul 2005|02:34pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

I feel half-dead. I'm leaving tomorrow. There's so much I should be doing to prepare for my trip back to no man's land, but I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen unable to convince my mind that I am actually going back to that terrible place. The only thing I can think right now is "he's dead" it keeps ringing in my head over and over again and I just want to scream. I know already, but I know that I don't. Of course I know, but it hasn't fully registered to me yet. Something inside me doesn't understand how serious the situation is. Then again I never was one for being serious. I promise to write. I love you. I will see you again and when I do I'll fake a smile...just for you.

Tell me your secrets...

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